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Nothing that shows on the outside. - A little less than a happy high
komos
komos
Nothing that shows on the outside.
I embraced the sea before I woke. The touch of water seems gentle and yielding, but that idea is nothing but deception. Each wave drags you further and further down, and as you plummet to its depths, the threat becomes more clear. Water can smother and water can crush. I floated and was aware of the danger.

When I woke, my skin felt too alive. Touch has been nothing short of a separate awareness. The body screams with sensation, and the mind becomes exhausted making sense of it. Everything has become focused on a single point. A test pattern displayed with a tonal throb. The pain is exquisite. The pain is excruciating.

One of the three movies I rented today made me cry. It's always unusual love stories. Boundaries are systematically broken down until the images begin to work on me. Something is wrong, I say. I am lonely, but that's not it. No, I am not who I am. For the sake of avoiding pain and uncertainty, I am become something else, at least to myself. Or for myself. I can't explain it, I say.

...and I can't.

Current Music: The Polyphonic Spree, "Light and Day"

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Comments
From: missmelysse Date: December 5th, 2004 12:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
I embraced the sea before I woke. The touch of water seems gentle and yielding, but that idea is nothing but deception. Each wave drags you further and further down, and as you plummet to its depths, the threat becomes more clear. Water can smother and water can crush. I floated and was aware of the danger.

This is a really powerful image, and an equally powerful piece of text.
komos From: komos Date: December 5th, 2004 12:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. It's funny how some images stray out of your dreams and just sort of haunt you as the day wears. Every once in a while I manage to catch a sliver of it.
spiralflames From: spiralflames Date: December 5th, 2004 12:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
beautifully written. no matter how sad..there's got to be hope in a life where a person can write that beautifully.
spiralflames From: spiralflames Date: December 5th, 2004 12:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
beautifully written. no matter how sad..there's got to be hope in a life where a person can write that beautifully. PS..is this your writing, or did it come from somewhere else? either way..it's touching.
komos From: komos Date: December 5th, 2004 12:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's one of those rare pieces I just let flow through me. Yes, I wrote it, but things like it never entirely feel like they're mine.

Thanks.
From: missmelysse Date: December 5th, 2004 12:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
You are far more talented and eloquent than you ever take credit for.

Btw, I'd love to send you a holiday card, if you're amenable. If so, could you email your snailmail addy to melissa @ missmeliss DOT com?

Thanks.
komos From: komos Date: December 5th, 2004 03:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Isn't that the case for most, though? It's hard to move past the internal critic to get to a place where you can realistically evaluate your work. Not to say that everyone's a hidden genius, but it is pretty staggering to think of what might be quashed simply because there are so many people who cannot get out of their own way. 'Scrazy.

Done. 'welcome.
From: corvus_coronis Date: December 5th, 2004 09:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
Very beautifully written, and very true too.
Just off the topic a little, I heard of a superstition an Italian-Australian friend of mine told me about where if you dream of being in water (other than very pure water or the sea) it is supposed to fortell illness.
komos From: komos Date: December 6th, 2004 06:27 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm guessing that a sensory dep. tank would probably freak me out.

Danke.
riverbank From: riverbank Date: December 6th, 2004 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
there is beauty in sadness

(not that i want you to be sad)
keep writing if it helps
komos From: komos Date: December 7th, 2004 04:24 am (UTC) (Link)
A terrible beauty, perhaps? ;)

I'll be ok. Every once in a while it overwhelms me, but I think that's common enough. Could do without the identity crisis, though.
cinemama From: cinemama Date: December 9th, 2004 05:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
But what was the film?
komos From: komos Date: December 9th, 2004 08:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
You know it and love it. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
inahandbasket From: inahandbasket Date: December 10th, 2004 03:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
just fixing your poor 13 comments. ^_^

I cry at the stupidest movies. it's not just you.
komos From: komos Date: December 10th, 2004 04:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Awesome! I mean... I'm such a dork.

There've been a fair number of films recently that have left me a bit of a mess. Amelie, even. (Amelie??)

Saw City of Lost Children this week, and have to say you were spot on. Fantastic stuff.
inahandbasket From: inahandbasket Date: December 10th, 2004 04:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
Glad you liked it!
It's a weirdass but good movie. Very Freeeench.
Try to find Dellicatesen (or however you spell it) too, made by the same guys, but earlier. Even weirder. It's only on VHS at the moment, little harder to track down.

and shit, I cried at "Honey I shrunk the Kids" back in the day. When that ant died... I just lost it.
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