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Upon further reflection - A little less than a happy high
komos
komos
Upon further reflection
I've been in something of an odd state over the past couple of days. I'm not sure what happened exactly. I've just had it in my head that all things considered I'm doing ok. Sure there's a lot (a LOT) that can be improved, but it's manageable. I'm capable of shouldering the burden.

When I talked to my special friend yesterday, she tried to call it contentment, but I don't think that's accurate. It's more like acceptance. After some three decades and a couple of decidedly traumatic events, it seems like I can finally let go of some of my preconceptions and expectations. The effect has been very calming. Here is the experience of my life as it's happening, without worry, and without judgement. I wake and step into the world and it makes sense.

I don't quite know how long this state will last, but I kind of like it.
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Comments
inahandbasket From: inahandbasket Date: February 4th, 2005 03:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
you've taken a step towards zen.
komos From: komos Date: February 4th, 2005 03:29 pm (UTC) (Link)

Patience, grasshopper.

My first inclination is to say something to the effect of, "It's about freakin' time!"

... but I'm guessing that would suggest that I've still a long way to go.
inahandbasket From: inahandbasket Date: February 4th, 2005 03:30 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Patience, grasshopper.

*grin*
The way of zen is not for the impatient. I strongly believe that I was born into it.
komos From: komos Date: February 4th, 2005 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Patience, grasshopper.

I have the patience of a saint, except when I don't. It's usually when I need to be patient with myself.
sassyinkpen From: sassyinkpen Date: February 4th, 2005 03:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ironically, I just got a quote in my email this morning:

Thirty-five is the age when you finally get your head together...but your body starts falling apart.

I do kind of sense what you're talking about - I've been feeling much the same way myself. (Over all. Yesterday not withstanding.)

komos From: komos Date: February 4th, 2005 04:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, I'm running behind, which suggests either that I'm a late-bloomer, or that the trend will continue and I'll live forever for a very long time.
cinemama From: cinemama Date: February 4th, 2005 03:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
I want what you have.
komos From: komos Date: February 4th, 2005 04:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
You mean my overdeveloped sense of the absurd?
bootsvalentine From: bootsvalentine Date: February 4th, 2005 06:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
but don't you see her picture posts? She's got plenty of her own ;)
komos From: komos Date: February 4th, 2005 06:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
They're often the highlight of my day.
cosmicserpent From: cosmicserpent Date: February 4th, 2005 04:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Contentment isn't what you have; that's something I've always felt is some sort of resignation, like one doesn't feel they can improve. You are in a state of realization where, dare I say it, you are happy and accepting. It's a nice place to be.
sassyinkpen From: sassyinkpen Date: February 4th, 2005 04:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
I've always thought contentment was like a "pause". You look around and see that things, as they are, are pretty good and stop to enjoy them for a while. I think it still leaves room for improvement at some point.
komos From: komos Date: February 4th, 2005 04:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ah, the vagueries of language... ^_^
sassyinkpen From: sassyinkpen Date: February 4th, 2005 04:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
My favorite thing.
komos From: komos Date: February 4th, 2005 04:23 pm (UTC) (Link)

Man, I'm gonna have to give up all my grousin'...

Contentment has become descriptive of a very passive state. I tend to associate it with blank stares and suburbia, and neither really fits into my life right now.

Happy might be too strong a word, but I'm not against using it. That's a change too, and a welcome one.
wisdom_seeker From: wisdom_seeker Date: February 4th, 2005 07:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
You are in a state of realization where, dare I say it, you are happy and accepting.

See, now, that's almost how I would have defined experiencing "contentment," except I'd have thrown in that you also feel calm (not to be confused with "stagnant" - a calm sea always has the potential for greater movement and continues to be active, albeit at a slower pace).

komos, I'm glad to hear that you are in this state, whatever term you choose to best describe it. :-)
komos From: komos Date: February 4th, 2005 07:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
Puppies.

Can never go wrong with puppies.
riverbank From: riverbank Date: February 5th, 2005 07:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
i love that feeling
enjoy it
komos From: komos Date: February 6th, 2005 02:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm kind of reveling in it. ^_^

Thanks.
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