After my short ‘hello,’ Michelle and I got into an email conversation that I’m almost certain is now over. It’s kind of funny, really. When I wrote to her initially, it was with a mind to see what she’s been up to, and maybe to re-establish contact on some level if that was workable. Instead I’ve ended up with some sort of Rob Gordon-esque vindication. She managed to demonstrate just why it was that I found it so difficult being in a relationship with her.
In her first reply to me she began an exchange about what happened between us, and even though I hadn’t intended to delve into that, I got the impression from what she wrote that she was looking for some insight into my experience. “Time and email,” she said, made it possible for her to talk to me about the troubles. I reluctantly opted to open up, and the results were predictable enough. After saying her peace and offering whatever apologies and explanations she thought were appropriate (or that she thought would make her feel ok), she shut the conversation down:
I'm going to try and not dwell too much on the past in any emails I send your way, mostly because I really don't know what to say. Its[sic] also difficult for me to open up the past, mostly because I feel very much immersed in the present.
When I got this in my box, I started laughing. Out loud. It’s just such an accurate summary of our exchanges in all the time that I’ve known her. In effect, she was saying, “Hmmm... Even though I looked like I was interested in attempting to understand you, I think I’m done with this conversation. I will now engage you with tales of the minutiae of my existence.” I particularly enjoyed the “not dwelling on the past” dig she threw in to excuse herself from the conversation (‘cause, you know, she’s better than that.)
I didn’t open the can o’ worms, so I guess it’s ok for her to close it. It would have been nice if she had done so a little more gracefully (graciously?), but this really wasn’t unexpected. Just as well.