Kid just loves him some cows (komos) wrote,
Kid just loves him some cows

Monkey mind, monkey mind.

I’m taking some delight in the fact that the Chinese New Year falls on my birthday this year. Even more amusing, we’re moving into the year of the Monkey, which seems to hold strange portent.

I’ve been having some trouble with this anniversaire since 35 seems to be one of those seminal numbers that inspires all manner of reflection and reexamination. There’s something about the fives that brings ruminations on the state of our lives, our lack of accomplishments, and the sacrifices we’ve made. Such thoughts can be helpful, but more often than not they just send us spiraling uncontrollably into regret. I keep seeing it happen, and I’ve not been an exception.

Our war is a spiritual war.

I find myself trying to reconcile what I’ve done and what I’m doing with this vision of A Proper Life that I was programmed to have. I understand that this vision is not my own, and that, in spite of everything that is fed to me, the reality is a manufactured one. Still, the nagging thoughts remain. Somehow, I should have a stable career path. I should be looking to start a family. I should be engaging in the joys of home ownership. All these things are necessary to be looked upon as an upstanding member of our society, right? One cannot be accomplished if he strays from this well-trod path. I don’t know if it’s for me, but because the programming is so pervasive, it takes a great deal of effort to say that.

The Year of the Wooden Monkey begins, bringing with it the promise of change and new beginnings. Maybe I get to be free.

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