Log in

No account? Create an account
entries friends calendar profile Previous Previous Next Next
"Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult" - A little less than a happy high — LiveJournal
"Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult"
Just another piece of humor spam, but it did serve to amuse me this morning in the aftermath of David Kay's "Mynoknow... [*shrug*]" testimony.

For Immediate Release
New York, New York
December 7, 2003

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the woman is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. She is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.

"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point,and draw the line."

President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertaint of: "Though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."

Homeschooled Security
12-07-03 0530 HRS.
4 comments or Leave a comment
From: basha Date: January 29th, 2004 07:10 am (UTC) (Link)
there is a short story I have to find and copy for you, where "al-gibber" and "cal-calu" become dangerous weapons.
komos From: komos Date: January 29th, 2004 12:57 pm (UTC) (Link)


(Deleted comment)
komos From: komos Date: January 29th, 2004 01:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
I weep for the future.

At BC, I had a seminar in classical and medieval historiography in which one of the students openly declared that nothing that happened prior to 1950 had any relevance. Why 1950? I never did get a full answer from him, but I suspect that it's because it was by 1950 that we were firmly set on the path of the post-war culture of fear that would spawn such an encapsulated world view.

'Course the Neo-Cons argue that anything that happened prior to 1992 is irrelevant, so by contrast, he was enlightened...
(Deleted comment)
komos From: komos Date: January 29th, 2004 02:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
Short answer and also vast sweeping generalization that I was trained never to do deliberately: The Roman Empire has never really fallen, at least not as a driving force behind Western culture.

And he was kind of a wanker.
4 comments or Leave a comment