Kid just loves him some cows (komos) wrote,
Kid just loves him some cows

Customer (Dis)service

I was all set to grace you all with deep thoughts upon my triumphant return, but I made the mistake of making a call to for AOL, who have incorrectly decided that I am their customer. I'll begin where the conversation crossed into the realm of the absurd.

– I've got you down as a customer since December, but I don't see any activity on your account.
– That would be because I haven't used your services. I have another ISP I'm quite happy with.
– But if you're given something for free, why would you want to pay for another service?
– Didn't you just finish telling me that I have a $71.00 balance?
– Yes.
– It seems you have an interesting definition of "free".
– Well, the trial was free.
– But I didn't ask for a trial. As near as I can tell, CompUSA decided that I needed AOL and signed me up.
– I understand completely. Let's see if we can't get this cleared up.
– Great.
– [Pauses] Well, I can cancel the account, but because the account is being processed, I can't actually do anything about the balance.
– Because it's being processed.
– Correct.
– Could you define what "being processed" means?
– Your account is being billed and we won't be able to access the file for 6-7 days.
– Seven days?
– Correct.
– Is this part of a batch file or something?
– I don't know what you mean.
– The "processing"... is it part of a batch file? Are my records inaccessible because they are part of a series of records that are processed all at once. A batch.
– I don't know, sir, and if I did, I couldn't share that information with you.
– A system that submits batch files to financial institutions is hardly a state secret. I'm just trying to understand why I need to wait a week to get this cleared up.
– I can't share that information with you. It would be revealing a part of our billing process.
– Right now, it appears that your billing process involves charging people for services they didn't purchase and then running them around when they attempt to correct the problem. If I call in seven days, can I get some sort of guarantee that my records will not still be in the mysterious state of "being processed"?
– It should be finished, but I'm going to tell you what I tell everyone with this problem - it all depends on how much you want to help yourself.
– So let me get this straight. I have an account I didn't request, carrying a balance for services I didn't use, and not only am I told that I need to call back in a week, but there's no guarantee that I can get this corrected when I do?
– I didn't say that. What I said was it all depends on how much you want to help yourself.
– I hope you're not still wondering why I didn't want an account with you...

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