Further proof that Starbucks has lost sight of its core mission

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06:11 pm July 8th, 2004

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			A little less than a happy high

komos


	Further proof that Starbucks has lost sight of its core mission
	Me: Hi, I’d like a large Frappuccino. Annoyed Barista: A venti? Sure. Do you want Café or Crème? Me: What? AB: Kaf-FAY or KREMM Me: Coffee or cream? Are you making non-dairy Frappuccinos now? AB: [sighs] One is made with coffee, the other is made with vanilla and milk. Me: ...and no coffee. AB: Right. Me: So it’s a milkshake? AB: No, it’s a KREMM Frappuccino. Me: Right. I’ll have an iced coffee. AB: Venti? Me: Yeah, whatever.

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	Comments

	From: alex_victory	Date: July 8th, 2004 03:47 pm (UTC)		(Link)

You know, I'm very tempted to become a paid Onion archives member just so I could reply with the text of the "Starbucks To Begin Sinister 'Phase Two' Of Operation" article. That shit was HYSTERICAL.

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	From: komos	Date: July 8th, 2004 08:20 pm (UTC)		(Link)

My life, your amusement. Mine is to serve. ;)

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	From: d2leddy	Date: July 8th, 2004 05:33 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Look here, Barista:

1. This is the United States. The majority speak American English and a sizeable minority speak Spanish. "Venti", "Café", "Crème", and so on are more European. Try working in--say--France, or Italy, or both if you wish more success.

2. Identifying products in European languages does not make them taste better. So just call them what they are and get over yourself. You make $6.50 an hour, no matter what you call them.

3. Your talent for identifying Starbucks coffee suggests you might be better emloyed as a . . . DJ at a classical music NPR station.

4. Now get a life. Monoglot.

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	From: d2leddy	Date: July 8th, 2004 05:38 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Addendum lest foot lodge in glottus:

The sizeable minority that speak Spanish are from South America, and usually expect to encounter American-English when in a Starbucks, not a non-Spanish European language (although Italian might not be so bad).

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	From: komos	Date: July 8th, 2004 08:19 pm (UTC)		(Link)
	It's not even coffee. It's a milkshake.

When Coffee Connection was bought out, they took café au lait off the menu at all of the locations near me. Despite the fact that it's easier to make than a cappuccino, it's not a menu item. I've just given up on trying to order it. To have this chucklehead act like I should know the full range of their foofy drinks when he can't even make me a frickin' au lait makes me want to initiate Operation Latté Thunder with great prejudice.

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	From: komos	Date: July 9th, 2004 06:52 am (UTC)		(Link)
	Today, you are my hero

So I should go to AB and say, "Oh LAY." That's brilliant!

Afterwards, I'm going to steal an espresso maker.

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	From: komos	Date: July 9th, 2004 07:37 am (UTC)		(Link)
	Re: You need higher standards....

I'm playing the weird semantics games of the current ~~junta~~ ~~regime~~ administration. If I call myself a freedom fighter, I get labelled a terrorist. If I call myself a thief, so far, I'm still just a thief.

I'm so gonna get "disappeared."

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	From: komos	Date: July 9th, 2004 09:08 am (UTC)		(Link)

Really, though, can't that be said about most everything?

(I make better coffee anyways.)

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	From: d2leddy	Date: July 11th, 2004 01:54 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Really, though, can't that be said about most everything?

Amen. You just said a au lait . . .

**executing evasive manuevers**

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	From: jenarael	Date: July 8th, 2004 05:58 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Oh man, I have to visit Starbucks with you next time.

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	From: komos	Date: July 8th, 2004 08:24 pm (UTC)		(Link)

We can do the Moebius!

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	From: gilbertbee	Date: July 8th, 2004 06:51 pm (UTC)		(Link)

My favorite trick is when they use real milk when you specifically ask, and are charged, for soy. And don't tell you.

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	From: komos	Date: July 8th, 2004 08:33 pm (UTC)		(Link)

Sip the coffee and then drop it as you double over with horrible cramps. Moan about severe lactose allergies. Make sure you brought friends. The fun will really start when you threaten to sue!

They never got my order right at Dunkin' Donuts, either...

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	From: transcribe	Date: July 9th, 2004 06:29 am (UTC)		(Link)

hilarious, in the way that it's sad.

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	From: komos	Date: July 9th, 2004 06:50 am (UTC)		(Link)

The whole "all things to all people" schtick only works if quality and service don't decline. Otherwise, there is a subtle but perpetual drift towards the WalMart model.

I'll admit that I was after a foofy coffee drink, but at least it was still coffee.

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	From: transcribe	Date: July 9th, 2004 06:52 am (UTC)		(Link)

i didn't even know they had started making milkshakes. was it in an effort to capitalize on the horrific song by the same name you s'pose?

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	From: komos	Date: July 9th, 2004 07:22 am (UTC)		(Link)

Man, I could go for a milkshake right now. ;P

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From: ex_cayetana730	Date: July 9th, 2004 06:36 am (UTC)		(Link)

You would think that it's better to get rid of this strange limiting language, but so many times, I go into Dunkin Donuts, order a medium regular, which I have always thought meant (medium sized coffee, no silly flavor, sugar, and cream) but you'd be surprised what they ask:

"Medium regular what?"
"Hot?"
"Cream and sugar?"

Just give me my standard dunkin coffee already.

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	From: komos	Date: July 9th, 2004 06:44 am (UTC)		(Link)

I've kind of given up on Dunkies because I can't order a "medium coffee with milk" without getting a "regular." It's maddening.

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From: ex_cayetana730	Date: July 9th, 2004 06:53 am (UTC)		(Link)

Ah, yeah. When you want something different they are horrible.

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	From: komos	Date: July 9th, 2004 07:24 am (UTC)		(Link)

So you can't order the regular without confusing them, and you can't order something else without having them think you want the regular. The whole thing starts looking like a discussion on quantum physics or the nature of the divine, depending on your leanings.

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From: ex_cayetana730	Date: July 9th, 2004 07:53 am (UTC)		(Link)

Yep. Which is why if you want just coffee, they should probably have an efficient self serve station.

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	From: komos	Date: July 9th, 2004 08:53 am (UTC)		(Link)

DIY touches every other part of my life...

I've been making Assam sun tea at home

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From: uruz	Date: July 9th, 2004 09:47 am (UTC)		(Link)

What's the difference between "regular" and "medium" if you don't mind me asking? I have ordered medium-sized before and gotten what I wanted.

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	From: komos	Date: July 9th, 2004 10:26 am (UTC)		(Link)

"Regular" in MA ostensibly means coffee (of any size) with cream and sugar. "Medium" is a size. It's possible to order a "large regular." Not so with a "large medium.^*"

^*Unless, of course, you're trying to get a soothsayer of greater than average stature.

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	From: macthud	Date: July 9th, 2004 09:29 pm (UTC)		(Link)
	Foamy will set you free!

Check it out.

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/special/movies/foamy/sml2.html

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