A number of things have come together over the past few days and I’ve been mulling over how to express them in something resembling a coherent fashion. ‘Course, as it stands, I still haven’t managed to piece it all together and I’m feeling guilty for having been a schlep at the office all week. I’ve been too tired, too distracted and just not interested.
I really need to find work that’s worth doing.
I was thinking this morning about the people I met in the American history courses I took at Harvard Ext. and, more importantly, what an incredible crew they were. The folks who drew together to form my study group had a love for what they were doing that was so intense that it was a motivation in and of itself. One I spoke to said that it didn’t matter what came of his degree. He wanted to study history, and working towards his masters was itself enough of an accomplishment without having to worry about whether he’d be able to get a job or actually apply his knowledge.
In the midst of my constant second-guessing, itself a major factor in my not having gone back to school, I wonder what it is that inspires that kind of confidence and acceptance. It’s not just an understanding that an education is more about training yourself to think than about the accumulation of interesting facts to with which to amuse people at dinner parties. It’s not just knowing that what you’re doing is really worth doing. I think it goes beyond a crude intellectual understanding and into the realm of faith.
And faith is a tricky thing.