The boredom and the stir crazy I can handle. I start coming apart with the anxiety, the fear that I'll never be well again, the sudden knowing that I'm really alone. This afternoon, I started thinking that I just can't do it anymore without having a real sense of what "it" is. I feel tired and small and weak.
I started getting a handle on all of this when I opened my mail and discovered that the check that the roomie gave for rent this month bounced. This of course means that I'll soon learn that the check I wrote to the landlord has also bounced, or worse, a whole series of other checks started rebounding. So now I'm worried about money and where I live.
I know I've kind of lost moaning rights here... I said I wanted to kick him out, and I didn't. I have no sane reason. I didn't want to be that guy, but he's gone and demonstrated, again, that I'm crazy to place any trust in him. He will never cease to let me down. He is too selfish and too careless to do anything else.