February 19th, 2002

The gentleman is always properly dressed

In other news...

Sunday’s tournament went off without a hitch, and it seemed like everyone had a pretty good time. I was a little disappointed that I couldn’t play, but I know that it’s probably for the best. I’ve been taking things way too personally, and somehow I need to find my way back to a place where I can have a good time even if I’m getting kicked around. Intellectually I understand that losing doesn’t mean that I am somehow less intelligent or less talented than my opponents, but I’ve been losing sight of that of late. I get very frustrated with myself, and I’d rather not play than take that out on someone else.

After the tournament I had beer with Shelby and Drew and we talked about relationships and geek t3ch. Yesterday I spent some time with Drew while he waited for his ex to finish moving her stuff. I know that it was high weirdness for him, but I found myself back in the uncomfortable feeling that I needed to perform or entertain and that I wasn’t doing enough of either. Bleh. I was thinking about that, and came to the conclusion that I still feel like one misstep will send away my friends irrevocably. This doesn’t stem from any lack of faith in them, but from lack of faith in myself. Not being one of the “cool kids” for so long led to an inherent insecurity about fitting in and I’m constantly worrying over what it is that I have to offer. (Point of clarification: I’m not looking for reassurances here…)

I drowned my misplaced angst in Mint Oreo Cookie while watching Alien, a film I find strangely reassuring for some reason. Today, I set out determined to continue with “the change” but I’m having tremendous difficulty focusing on work.
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The gentleman is always properly dressed

Also unsurprising...

I Am A: Neutral Good Elf Ranger Fighter

Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.

Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.

Secondary Class:
Fighters are the warriors. They use weapons to accomplish their goals. This isn't to say that they aren't intelligent, but that they do, in fact, believe that violence is frequently the answer.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan!