June 6th, 2002

The gentleman is always properly dressed

I guess I am human after all

I found this yesterday in Steven Pressfield’s Gates of Fire:

Only gods and heroes can be brave in isolation. A man may call upon courage in only one way, in the ranks with his brothers-in-arms, the line of his tribe and his city… No one may expect valor from one cast out alone, cut off from the gods of his home.

Somehow, I found myself in this statement. Over the past couple of years, I haven’t exactly been a paragon of courage and fortitude. Things were just too chaotic and too weighted against me, and the best I could muster was a sort of stunned resignation to a predestined fate. No amount of the "Litany of Fear" was enough to stave that off. It was too much and for the most part I had to face it alone. For the most part, folks either just really just didn’t know what to do or they just couldn’t do anything to help. The ordeal fosters this kind of isolation. The depression and anxiety only make it worse.

I’m bummed that I don’t quite rank the "god or hero" epithet, but it did make me feel better somehow.
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