July 16th, 2002

The gentleman is always properly dressed

No sense of li

I think I wouldn't be so edgy if it weren't for the fact that I'm house-sitting. Scratch that... if it weren't for the fact that I'm house-sitting at a place to which I can't seem to find connection. I didn't think I would be so disjointed. I want to be in Medford tackling the ongoing cleaning, cooking simple meals for myself, and riding into work every morning. The place is a mess and getting to be moreso since I'm not there to brace against the flood, but it is my place. In spite of everything, I feel my presence there as soon as I walk through the door.

Here in Malden I fall into the same patterns I exhibit when I go to my folks place in Maine*. I can't concentrate. I'm perpetually bored. I can't get comfortable enough to sleep. Worst of all, I eat way too much. The past few days have seen me paranoid, moody, distracted, and occasionally panicky. Panic is the best.

I feel like I'm cut off from everyone, almost as though my failure to connect with this place has somehow severed my connection from the rest of reality. Tonight, I'm just a ghost.

I really need some sleep.


*For those who don't know the story, my folks moved to a different house during my first semester at BC and didn't tell me. I showed up at the last house we had lived in only to find strangers at the door. My folks thought it was hysterical. It's never set well with me.
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