January 8th, 2004


Why I hate clowns

I got a ride on the elevator this morning.

Now, this was no ordinary ride, even though at the outset I had fully anticipated that it would be. In fact, everything proceeded apace right up until I had nearly reached my destination on the sixth floor. As I stood there in the ascendelocerator as I am accustomed to do each and every morning, I began to notice a strange buzzing sound. This was followed by an unfortunately jolting stop. I thought this odd, and was by no means happy about spending my morning stuck in a large metal box suspended by pulleys and cables controlled by a switchbox that dates to the Golden Era of this particular machine. In hindsight, I would rather have relished such a fate.

As I reached to depress the alarum, my box began to descend... rapidly. Since it wasn’t entirely clear that this descent was at all controlled by the aforementioned pulleys and cables, I began to panic. Actually, my reaction was more controlled than that. I began to think that a death by elevator failure would be a pointless death indeed. When frantic pushing of buttons on the panel did nothing, I actually began to pace. It’s funny how the mind works under stress.

Just as quickly my unexpected descent began, the elevator stopped again. As near as I could tell, it was somewhere between the first and second floor, and thankfully, the controls responded when I punched '1' to get off at the lobby.

The worst part of all of this was that it wasn’t a mechanical failure. The elevators were being tested. In fact, the ‘gentleman’ who was coordinating the test of the car I was in had seen me enter the building and start to go up. Upon seeing my blanched face on my return to the lobby, he flashed me a wry smile and invited me to take one of the others.
  • Current Mood
    Calm as a Hindu cow
Killing Buddha

Gravity Rides a Minivan

A short while ago, I was mucking about the kitchen trying to choose a delicious cheeseTM to go along with dinner. As I am wont to do when alone in the house, I was singing to myself. In this particular case, I was singing Modest Mouse's "Gravity Rides Everything," so you can imagine my surprise when I heard the opening bars to that very song issuing from the TV set.

In my amazement, I rushed to the living room, my mind awash with the possible vehicles that could have been using the song. Someone made a deal to get the band just a little bit more exposure by selling the rights to their music. I had to know.

Vehicle indeed. It was an ad for the Nissan Quest. They're using it to sell a frickin' minivan.
  • Current Music
    Reel Big Fish, "Sell Out"