December 2nd, 2004

Pandas can't talk

Pathos

In order to save myself a great deal of sturm and angst over nothing, I'm thinking about giving up my habit of assuming that I've done [something] horribly, horribly wrong and that [someone] is upset with me. I need to speak about it in general terms because even though I manage to work myself up over very specific events, there's usually something like this working at the back of my mind on an almost constant basis.

Basically, if I care about you, I have at some point or another thought that I upset you with something I have said or done, or perhaps with something I failed to say or do. Such is the manifestation of my pathos. I often feel the need to apologize for things that probably have no life outside of my own self-recriminations, and I really need to get out of the habit of using friends as unwitting mirrors of my insecurity.

I'm going to try not being quite so hyper-aware of my "negative" effects in your lives. I don't anticipate that I'll change much outside of my perception, but in order to make this work, I've got to ask a favor... In the event that I do upset you, please just let me know. Be honest. I can take it.