February 4th, 2005

The gentleman is always properly dressed

Upon further reflection

I've been in something of an odd state over the past couple of days. I'm not sure what happened exactly. I've just had it in my head that all things considered I'm doing ok. Sure there's a lot (a LOT) that can be improved, but it's manageable. I'm capable of shouldering the burden.

When I talked to my special friend yesterday, she tried to call it contentment, but I don't think that's accurate. It's more like acceptance. After some three decades and a couple of decidedly traumatic events, it seems like I can finally let go of some of my preconceptions and expectations. The effect has been very calming. Here is the experience of my life as it's happening, without worry, and without judgement. I wake and step into the world and it makes sense.

I don't quite know how long this state will last, but I kind of like it.
The gentleman is always properly dressed

Salad at Redbones

My favorite barbecue place has a counter where you can sit and watch the guys in the kitchen tend to the pit and methodically throw plates of food together and down the line. Perhaps it's the brutal efficiency, or perhaps it's the close proximity to open flames, but it's always fascinated me. Last night I witnessed confusion. It was brutally efficient confusion in the close proximity of open flames, but it was confusion nonetheless.

I ordered a salad.

I saw my tag go up. I saw the pit crew tossing around the word insalata until one of them looked back at the pit boss and asked, "Who ordered a salad here??" (Someone DARED!) The pit boss pointed at me and the guy who asked (who was also the guy who ultimately built my salad) said, "Oh... well, he's ok."

I just really like their salad. It's big and unapologetic and is loaded with enormous whole slices of red bell pepper and unceremoniously garnished with handfuls of sweet onion. Last night it was frickin' awesome.