Kid just loves him some cows (komos) wrote,
Kid just loves him some cows

Dancing on the razor's edge

I ran into my boss in the hall yesterday and he joked a bit about Monday When he asked, "What, don't you like going to depositions?" all I could think to say was, "No, and I think Monday kind of broke me." We both laughed, but it was the kind of uncomfortable laugh that lingers when you know that the kidding was based more in truth than in fun.

The truth is, I came out of the deposition wondering if I am at all cut out for this work. I used to think that I had a high tolerance for weirdness, but I now think that that has to be qualified. I have a high tolerance for weirdness so long as it doesn't involve attorneys. Add any sort of legal matter into the mix and I turn into a jittery heap.

And here I am, talking to at least a half dozen attorneys a day...

I shared my distress some with the roommate, and he asked whether I had ever considered trying to make a living with one of the things I end up doing anyway. To his credit, he said that it was very clear that I had a talent for "making things," whether it be beer or pots or whatever. The thought has crossed my mind, but I feel like I lack the freedom to embark on such a radical career shift. One immediate concern is that the hit on my income would be enough to make it utterly impossible to afford little things like food and rent. Heck, this would be a concern even if it weren't for my peculiar circumstances. Right now, I just can't seem to wrap my mind around a career that doesn't guarantee steady work and a comparable salary. At the same time, the worry associated with what I do and any mistakes I make is slowly killing me.

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