Kid just loves him some cows (komos) wrote,
Kid just loves him some cows
komos

A little less than a happy high

Whatever emotional high I've been on (which I'm sure was supplemented by my own healthy dose of retail therapy) kind of dropped out on me last night. I can't say as I'm mopey now, but the blissful, childlike wonder has faded into something much closer to my baseline. I'm tempted to say that this perception is much more realistic, but it's not like I've been unaware of my troubles and necessities. For the past couple of weeks, they've been present, but in no way crippling. That was a nice change.

Now I'm worried again over things like work, finances, relationships, my health... all the things that weigh on the minds of everyone else. Admittedly, not always to the same degree, but the worry is there for everyone. Behold, I am part of the human continuum and can recognize that life entails pain.

What's interesting is that some of us seem to have much better tools in place to deal with that pain. Reflecting over the past couple of weeks, I wonder why it is that I'm not someone who can look at troubles and just do those things that need to be done. I mean, I recognize that it's useless to worry over something I can't control, and for those things I can, worrying only wastes energy. "Worrying is like paying interest on a debt you may not even owe." Still, I worry. At times, I get so caught up in the worrying that I can't manage to do useful things like sleeping or paying bills. It's got to stop, and I've recognized this for years without managing. I got a taste of a different perception and how that can shape my reality. Trick now is getting it back.
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