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A little less than a happy high - A little less than a happy high
komos
komos
A little less than a happy high
Whatever emotional high I've been on (which I'm sure was supplemented by my own healthy dose of retail therapy) kind of dropped out on me last night. I can't say as I'm mopey now, but the blissful, childlike wonder has faded into something much closer to my baseline. I'm tempted to say that this perception is much more realistic, but it's not like I've been unaware of my troubles and necessities. For the past couple of weeks, they've been present, but in no way crippling. That was a nice change.

Now I'm worried again over things like work, finances, relationships, my health... all the things that weigh on the minds of everyone else. Admittedly, not always to the same degree, but the worry is there for everyone. Behold, I am part of the human continuum and can recognize that life entails pain.

What's interesting is that some of us seem to have much better tools in place to deal with that pain. Reflecting over the past couple of weeks, I wonder why it is that I'm not someone who can look at troubles and just do those things that need to be done. I mean, I recognize that it's useless to worry over something I can't control, and for those things I can, worrying only wastes energy. "Worrying is like paying interest on a debt you may not even owe." Still, I worry. At times, I get so caught up in the worrying that I can't manage to do useful things like sleeping or paying bills. It's got to stop, and I've recognized this for years without managing. I got a taste of a different perception and how that can shape my reality. Trick now is getting it back.
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Comments
cinemama From: cinemama Date: May 26th, 2005 02:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
You and I should get a drink. Talk about our worries over gin. Maybe fretter can come along.
komos From: komos Date: May 26th, 2005 02:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sure thing. Just name the place and I'll be there.

You'll have to teach me the arcane ways of gin along the way.
cosmicserpent From: cosmicserpent Date: May 26th, 2005 02:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
A lot of worrying problems can be solved by just having the right frame of mind; kind of like realizing, that through all your problems, you've still led a decent life and will continue to do so.. it's tough at first, but I find that it sort of leads to less and less things to worry about. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You say things will be okay and worries tend to start falling like dominoes. It's weird, but it works (for me).
komos From: komos Date: May 26th, 2005 02:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Perception being nine tenths of reality is one of those concepts I understand, but haven't fully managed to internalize. I feel like I've been doing damage control for the past five years, and while some of those measures have led to significant improvements over where I was, there's still a lot that I need to work on. Last week I wasn't feeling overwhelmed by it. Today, that sense of "bigness" is back. We'll have to see how it pans out.
From: ex_cayetana730 Date: May 26th, 2005 03:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
I have learned that my family is wired to worry about everything. EVERYTHING. Whether we learned it from each other, passed down from mother to daughter, or if it's built into our DNA, it's there, and we have to live knowing that we worry excessively. We fret about every little thing until it gives us high blood pressure. So I understand.
The thing that makes worrying less tough on me is to make small achievements. Those small achievements add up to "hey I kick ass!" and that confidence tranfers to "Oh I won't worry about this thing too too much because I kick ass and I can squash it!" It might take time to find those little achievements that will work. They can be mental achievements too. If you do have any kind of small victory, write it down and dwell on it so you don't get overpowered by bigger issues that are more difficult to control.
That's all I can really say. Everyone copes in a different way.
Friends with alcohol, as you can see, is one of the best remedies, and the most readily available.
komos From: komos Date: May 26th, 2005 08:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't see nearly enough of you. ^_^
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komos From: komos Date: May 26th, 2005 08:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
I've managed a "Life is pain" mantra for a long while now. It hasn't exactly let me achieve proper detachment, though. You have ulcers... I have compulsive eating. Bad coping mechanism for me considering that it feeds some of the worries that I have going in. It's a vicious cycle that I had started to break when The Troubles hit, but then everything went to hell.

Truly this gin must have magical properties.
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why_style From: why_style Date: May 26th, 2005 04:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
as i said to chillguru the other day: "the number one tenet of buddhism is 'life it suffering.' this shit's supposed to be hard." that said, it doesn't mean we should be suffering every moment. at least you've got priorities that sound like they make sense. "work, finances, relationships, my health" are, in fact, important things.

i often find it tough to distinguish between what i actually should be worrying about and what would be better left to roll off my back (you know, like a wet duck or something). i tend to obsess over stupid little things while doing nothing about the real issues. take sleeping for instance- i obsess over my sleep cycles and the exact minute i need to fall asleep so as to get the perfect amount of sleep (ironically, i worry to the point where it keeps me up), yet i've put off replacing a mattress that's been past its prime for a good two years now and makes my sleep torturous. i make no sense.

so as one who makes no sense speaking to one who does, let me say this: when i'm stressed, i usually find it comforting to think that were i to get hit by a bus on my way to work, these problems would cease to be (important anyway).
komos From: komos Date: May 26th, 2005 08:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hrmmm... There have been times when I wish I was going to be hit by a bus on the way to work. Not exactly constructive thinking, to be sure.

I will say this, though... despite any fantasies of suffering some kind of traumatic accidental injury, I've never actually been suicidal. It's really just not my thing. I'm more quietly self-destructive.
wisdom_seeker From: wisdom_seeker Date: May 26th, 2005 04:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think you have the tools, 'cuz if you didn't you wouldn't be half as good at calming me down as you always have been, but for some reason you either forget that you have them or you think they won't work in X situation (where X = whatever is worrying you). The more you use them, the more they will become second nature (like your Kung Fu), so the trick is gonna be getting yourself to use them more.
komos From: komos Date: May 26th, 2005 08:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm pretty sure there's as much stress as help for you that originates from me. There's the 'wanting different things' thing, for one...

Besides, I think it's pretty universal that people are far better at keeping a level head during crises of others than they are their own. That's just exemplary detachment: "I am not really a part of this and so can view it for what it really is..."
clayrobeson From: clayrobeson Date: May 26th, 2005 04:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
The thing that pulled me back from the Dark places last December was just finding one thing every day to smile about. Not forcing myself to smile, mind you, but finding one thing, unrelated to everything (or very related to it) that made me smile regardless of how the rest of the day had progressed.

The more I did it, the easier it got to notice things, and the bigger the smiles got. So much so, that on the advice of a mutual friend of ours I started a second blog project which has been focusing on how powerful those things have gotten.

It's not a fast process, but it worked for me, and didn't involve alcohol (directly at least). :)
komos From: komos Date: May 26th, 2005 08:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
I feel like I've done a lot, but I get the sense that a lot of the work I've done should have been something I covered in my wee years. It's hard reaching my advanced age and having a sense that in some ways I'm stunted at 17, and in others at about 5. Yeah, I'm an adult and can live with that, but there are parts of me that just got left behind.

Man I hate baggage. And demons.

...And especially demons with baggage.
wildflowersoul From: wildflowersoul Date: May 26th, 2005 04:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
I, too, offer to ply you with alcohol, of the beer variety.

I'm one of the "just get something done" folks. I think I learned it from social work, where they paid me to get things done to fix other people's horribly screwed up lives. Also from social working, I gained an insatiable urge to do stuff for other people to help them solve problems, so seriously, anything I can do to help, you just give me a holla.
komos From: komos Date: May 26th, 2005 08:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, you've always seemed to have a pretty good head on you. It's got to be more than the training, though. That sort of approach is in your being.

I almost gave you guys a call the other night, but got seriously sidetracked with wrestling with my PC. I think I may be able to close up the wounded box tonight, assuming that I can find my vidcard drivers.
bushidokelt From: bushidokelt Date: May 26th, 2005 09:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hmm I'm a practitioner of keep busy with other stuff so as not to have time to think about woes...not the best of practices as it tends to pile up the things that bring about woes, then again, the keeping busy mantra has its advantages...
komos From: komos Date: May 26th, 2005 09:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
For me, keeping busy has, at best, kept The Big Empty at bay. It's rarely helped with the worrying, and at times the worrying pokes through at really inappropriate moments.
From: uruz Date: May 26th, 2005 09:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
You were doing so well, too.

Happy Peter > Mopy Peter. By far.
komos From: komos Date: May 26th, 2005 09:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
Like I said, I'm not mopey. I'm just not jubilant, is all.

I may just need more coffee. Or booze. Booze seems to be a big favorite today.
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