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Poking at my inertia - A little less than a happy high
komos
komos
Poking at my inertia
Because even if you're not, I'm tired of listening to myself moan about things I can't control and complain about things I can...

blahblahblah I hate my job blahblahblah
blahblahblah my finances are a mess blahblahblah
blahblahblah I'm lonely blahblahblah
blahblahblah somebody does something better than me blahblahblah
blahblahblah I'm overweight blahblahblah
blahblahblah I'm scared of stuff blahblahblah
Blahblahblah etc. Blahblahblah


We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming.


NOTE: Upon further reflection, I thought it would be useful to clarify that this is in no way meant to imply annoyance or impatience with anyone else. I'm in need of a kick in the pants, and noting that I'm prone to actionless grousing seemed to be valuable in some way. I do understand that complaint happens, and it's best to have friends with whom to comiserate. What I don't want is to reach a point where complaint is what defines me or how I'm thought of.

Anyways, I'm ok. How are you?
16 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
wisdom_seeker From: wisdom_seeker Date: June 15th, 2005 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
"We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming"

Bwahahaha! We had a VX spill last week at the Newport Chemical Depot during the "neutralization." I heard about it 3 days after the fact. I guess I'm not wise like Wally...
komos From: komos Date: June 15th, 2005 04:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Three days, huh? Funny that they don't put the same emphasis on nerve agents that they do on tornadoes...
wisdom_seeker From: wisdom_seeker Date: June 15th, 2005 04:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, in a "that's really not funny" kinda way.
komos From: komos Date: June 15th, 2005 05:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
I imagine there's a certain desire to minimize publicity.
teddywookie From: teddywookie Date: June 15th, 2005 04:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm applying for a job elsewhere right now. Actually, I'm taking a break from applying right this instant because I'm getting all kinds of freaked out at the thought of quitting my job and moving into the private sector.

But it's sort of good to know that I'm not entirely alone in my ABERRANT RESPONSE TO A HAPPY PROSPECT, where HAPPY PROSPECT means not working in Dorchester any more.

I think some of us are descended from the monkeys that really wanted to stay in the trees but were shaken loose by a high wind. 'Cause sure, those particular leaves weren't all that good for the old GI tract but there's tigers down there, man!
komos From: komos Date: June 15th, 2005 05:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's easier to fling poo from up here. Thing is, flinging poo just makes the tigers angrier.
sassyinkpen From: sassyinkpen Date: June 15th, 2005 06:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
You'll always be beer to me....

Aw..we all go through phases like this. You've definitely got a lot more going for you than whining. Everybody knows that. :) My finances are wrecked, too, I can sympathize with you for sure.

Here - have some music, it almost always helps:

Buddy Miller

Mildly Pervy Drinking Tune

komos From: komos Date: June 15th, 2005 08:45 pm (UTC) (Link)

Lad, I don't know where ya been...

With all this talk of Scottsmen going regimental, I'm reminded of utilikilts.
komos From: komos Date: June 15th, 2005 09:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, and thanks. ^_^
why_style From: why_style Date: June 15th, 2005 08:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
i'm cool at the moment. thanks for asking. things have settled into a comforting routine for a change. sadly, pessimist/cynic that i apparently am, i'm already starting to dread the inevitable downturn life is bound to take at some point. but you know, i keep it real, yo :p

still, i wouldn't worry about coming across as a whiner. i know whiners, and you haven't come close (at least not on lj). plus i for one, try to never define someone by the problems that afflict them, i guess cuz that'd lead to a pretty poor definition of myself. i'm overweight too, and while i refuse to give up wonderful things like beer, cheese and corndogs, i still feel justified in moaning about my weight without it reflecting poorly on my character. hey, maybe i'm an idealist after all. yay!
komos From: komos Date: June 15th, 2005 08:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Less so on lj than elsewhere. Here I've had the good sense to keep most of what ails me off the record.

Really, though, something's got to give, and I may well go mad if I can't do something about some of this soon. There's fear involved, much of it around "what happens" when I cast myself to the mercy of the unknown, but I've been thinking more and more that that's just lame.

My idealism looks a little like this: "There's a storm coming..."
why_style From: why_style Date: June 16th, 2005 01:10 pm (UTC) (Link)

sorry i'm always so verbose- i really gotta learn how to express myself concisely...

i've been kept awake many a night worrying about "what will happen in the unknown." i'd had a few instances of this before, but the first time it hit me really bad was when my student loans came due after college. i'd barely been scraping by as it was, and then the place i was working closed just as i suddenly had to deal with my debt. i was out of work for over a month, and i'm not sure i slept more than about an hour in that time period- made for some interesting job interviews as i tried to hold together my sleep deprived hallucinations into something coherent anyway. my favorite was at this cell phone place where i swore the guy interviewing me was turning into a demon and slobbering all over me.

i've had a few instances since then where finances or self loathing or just generally questioning the choices i've made or worrying about what's going to come at me around the next bend have stressed me out (actually i think everything on your list above has hit me at least once), but i've found that what works for me is to, and this may be a little counter-intuitive, but i actually try to focus on what will happen in the worst case scenario. i find that if i try to come up with concrete consequences and eliminate that unknown abyss, it takes away some of the sheer terror. some things will reveal themselves as not really problems at all. other things might still look pretty darned bad, but i'm not so paralyzed by worry that i can't do anything. plus, that worst case scenario (which somehow usually involves moving back in with my parents in the middle of nowhere in central PA- scary as hell) provides some serious motivation to avoid it, and helps me realize that as bad as things seem at least i'm not there yet. i think the trick is not to become obsessed with that scenario, but to find constructive ways to avoid it.

now when it's a whole host of things inundating me at once, i generally pick out just the one thing that i feel i might have the most control over. gradually as i deal with that and gain confidence, i can take on more. but i've also realized that it's okay to get help. it's taken me a long time, as i'm a pretty independent type, but it finally hit me that asking for assistance is not necessarily a sign of weakness or failure. one person can't be an expert at everything which is why there are experts out there who offer their services. in the case of financial messes for instance, there are reputable debt counselors who really can help- the trick is not to go for the place that offers you a quick fix to your problem, but someplace that will actually train you to be able to fix things yourself.

and there are even some issues it's okay to give up on and accept- i'm actually much happier since i gave up on my long time dream of becoming a writer- a source of much stress for many years. some may say it's sour grapes, but after deciding to no longer pursue it, i realized that i was more in love with the idea of being a writer than actually writing. i'll still write something occassionally, but without the ambition behind it, i can actually enjoy the actual writing more now than when i took it seriously as a career objective.

alright i'm cutting myself off. sorry to blabber on forever here. i have no idea how to boil my thoughts down to a single sentence- maybe that's why i was a philosophy major. anyway, i hope you feel better soon.
gilbertbee From: gilbertbee Date: June 15th, 2005 09:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
I started a similar post several days ago when I realized that all my posts tend to sound the same. I was beginning to annoy myself. Your post is so much more eloquent than mine though.

And I just noticed...somebody does something better than me.
komos From: komos Date: June 16th, 2005 12:13 am (UTC) (Link)
Nah. Journal writing is all about capturing your voice, and really, no one is going to do that better than you.

Make a deal with you? Pick one thing to make better, and we can meet back here in exactly one month to talk about what we've done.

If'n you want, of course.
gilbertbee From: gilbertbee Date: June 16th, 2005 12:26 am (UTC) (Link)
Deal!
mudguts From: mudguts Date: June 16th, 2005 07:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
last night you got crushed between two cars.
there was yellow ichor oozing from your wounds.
i was thinking voo-poo but didnt want to say it out loud, because you know what it is and i didnt want to panic you.
glad your better now.
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