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I just made you up to hurt myself - A little less than a happy high
komos
komos
I just made you up to hurt myself
Tonight's adventure involved thirty minutes of dry heaves followed by a long shower. I stood there and let the water fall on me until it had turned cold. I wish I could say that I felt better for it, but aside from a few moments' contemplation over the way that water felt as it streamed along my downturned face, the experience left me feeling as hollow and as sick as I had before.

My mind can work at speeds that can be a little disorienting, especially when Mr. Dark comes to play. There's just too much, and the insistence (mine or his... what does it matter?) is that it all be pieced together now. How does one begin to describe the intricate, interwoven patterns when even the smallest element has not been comprehended.

It is of a piece.

All of this is making me sick.

Disengage.

Disengage.
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Comments
_meej_ From: _meej_ Date: November 17th, 2005 01:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hmm. Not sure exactly what to say, but... well, I'm here rooting for you; there'll come a time when you've got this sussed out. And yes, it's tough going, I'm sure.

My advice is, for the moment, to keep going with the day-to-day when the thinking gets to be too much, and to build up to it in pieces, slowly. Here if you need me. As always.
komos From: komos Date: November 18th, 2005 02:57 am (UTC) (Link)
It was probably unrealistic to think that I would be able to manage as well as I have done through the whole process, right?

Thanks. I'll be in touch before too long, and hopefully not just to sit around grousing.
cinemama From: cinemama Date: November 17th, 2005 02:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
Tivo brought me Invader Zim this morning. 'Made the fire worse? Or made it BETTER?' Excellent. I didn't get a chance to finish it before work, but will tonight.

Send me an email if you need to and we'll talk.

M
komos From: komos Date: November 18th, 2005 02:41 am (UTC) (Link)

The Pants command me!

Supposedly, there are mpgs of Gir singing The Doom Song. Sadly, none of them are six months long...

Thanks. May do.
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komos From: komos Date: November 18th, 2005 02:33 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm currently searching for an animated .gif of the Laughing Man logo from GITS: Standalone Complex that's suitable for use as a userpic. Closest I've come is about twice the size that LJ allows.

Yes, I'm distracting myself. Thanks for chiming.
why_style From: why_style Date: November 18th, 2005 03:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
try this one. the shade of blue isn't quite right but it's the only animated one that's under 40kb as far as i could find.
komos From: komos Date: November 18th, 2005 04:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks much. I found a wee one that's close to the original shade, but it's, well, wee. The 80k one I have is cool because it's the right color, remains readable, AND keeps true to the newly generated text (as opposed to most animations that just have the text circling).
why_style From: why_style Date: November 18th, 2005 04:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
yeah i found one that was around 77k that was better, but lj wouldn't take it. i may try and futz with it in photoshop or something later to try and reduce the file size without compromising the quality, but i doubt it will help. i love GIFs, but most of the ones i have are just too big for an lj icon.

this actually reminds me that i rented GITS volume 4 over a month ago and still haven't gotten around to watching it yet - i should put that on teh to do list for this weekend.
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