Kid just loves him some cows (komos) wrote,
Kid just loves him some cows

Stop me if you've heard this one

Last night, a man approached me in Harvard Square to ask me if I lived in the area. When I said I did, he said, "Oh, thank God!" and proceeded to tell a story about being stranded in Cambridge for having lent his wife his car so that she could go to Springfield, and that he just got a phone call telling him that she had been in an accident. I was suspicious at Springfield, and to make matters worse, at precisely the moment he mentioned the accident, I noticed that he reeked of mouthwash. Not as though he was concerned with oral hygiene, but more like he had just quaffed a quart of it and it was oozing out of his pores.

"I'm sorry," I said as I started to walk away, "I can't help you."

This is about when he started giving me attitude. "You mean you can't be bothered to give me directions?"

I stopped dead and turned around. "IF you have a wife who's been in an accident in Springfield and you have no means of getting to the western part of the state, you don't need directions, you need a bus. Take the T to South Station and see what the nice people of Greyhound/Trailways can do for you."

"Was that so hard?"

I lost it at this point. "I know that you're not trying to guilt me for not falling for the oldest street con in the book, sir. You were not going to ask for directions. You were going to ask for money, and if I gave to everyone who approached me with 'my wife has been in an accident in the western part of the state' or 'my girlfriend is having a baby in a hospital on the Cape' stories, I wouldn't make rent."

He skulked away muttering, "Fucking asshole."

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