Kid just loves him some cows (komos) wrote,
Kid just loves him some cows

Mardi Gras and Other Sundries

Last night, the cute Asian girl at the ice cream shop who dresses like a skate punk and has her hair cut like a boy’s smiled at me and called me "hon." I know that she was probably just doing the good waitress thing (I’m not sure she likes boys to begin with, and I’m certainly no prize at present), but it still made me feel good. It made me think that I've too little in the way of human contact.


The whole Mardi Gras/Ash Wednesday thing has the mind working. Call me a slave to the Christian calendar if you like, but I’m kind of thinking that tomorrow will be a good day to start taking steps to regain some degree of control over my life. Forty days is sufficient to develop new habits, and after these past two years, I’m needing to do just that. I’m going to be ambitious and say I’d like to work on the following:

1) I’d like to make a move towards getting back into “fighting trim.” Realistically, I’ll have to be in the gym religiously for a year before I can think about going back to judo or kung fu, so that will have to be a long term goal. As an interim goal, I’d like to get to a point where I can start riding my bike into work every day without injuring myself. Even before that, though, I’ll look to get into the gym 3-4 times a week from now until the end of March.

2) I’d like to reassert some control over my environment. My home and office space have become incredibly cluttered. There’s no real explanation for it aside from the fact that I think I’ve just been too depressed to care. On second thought, not “too depressed to care” but “too depressed to do anything about it.” At any rate, I’d like to try to get both sufficiently in order so I can live and work in my space and so I can have friends visit without feeling like I need to apologize for the mess.

3) I’d like to start cooking again. There have been few things in my life that I’ve found more fulfilling, relaxing, and meaningful than having a hand in preparing my own food (beyond throwing some Prince elbows into water). Somewhere along the way, I got sidetracked and stopped doing it, and I can’t say that I understand why. If I manage this and #2, some of you may well benefit from this as well.

4) This will probably seem less ambitious, but I think it will be every bit as difficult as any of the above. I’d like to get in touch with UMass/Boston to see what their course offerings will be in the summer and fall. One of the least used benefits of the state hack is the free tuition at state colleges and local community colleges. I’m just angry enough with my situation that I figured I should get everything I can from my current employment. I haven’t entirely decided what course of study I should be looking at, but hopefully I can get some ideas once I have the catalogues in hand.

5) One final thing that should probably have been done long before now is sitting down and truly figuring out how to make my finances work. Sadly, I need to look into not only cutting costs and using my resources at top efficiency, but have to stray into the territories of debt consolidation and the like. I also probably have to look into getting a second job. If the second job becomes a necessity, I’m hoping that it won’t conflict too much with the idea of taking classes. We’ll have to see.

I think that’s probably enough for the time being. If you want to help, just drop a line every once and a while and ask how things are going. With any luck, that will at least keep me honest. The end goal is quite simple - I want to start feeling human again.

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