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I couldn't make this stuff up - A little less than a happy high — LiveJournal
I couldn't make this stuff up
Today, I received one of the periodic email notices about training opportunities that are available to staff in our office. Admittedly, the notices go out to a wider audience than the data crunchers and desk jockeys I am surrounded by every day, but by the time the notices come to us, they're usually parsed of the wilder possibilities. Oddly enough, there are folks who request any training they've not already attended.

I knew we were in trouble right away when I caught the email header: BRING YOUR CAREER INTO THE LIGHT!

Shoot, Even Carol Anne knows enough not to go into the light...

We got the standard array of Word and Excel tutorials and the CYA seminars like Diversity training. Then things started to get interesting.

For the WWI re-enactor, it's a long way to Tipperary
Free Trenching Training: This course will provide awareness level training for working safely in trenches. Topics include: trenching hazards, selection and use of soil protective systems such as trench boxes and shoring, and a full overview of other required trench safety practices.

I can't wait until they get to 'Triskaidekaphobia Awareness for Managers'
Free Seminar - Establishing A Confined Space Entry Program: This seminar is intended for those responsible for public works employees or State employees who enter confined spaces. This class is NOT designed to train workers who enter confined spaces.
9 comments or Leave a comment
schizohedron From: schizohedron Date: May 15th, 2007 12:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
Shortly before I left my last company, I spotted a sign outside one of our meeting rooms announcing that "Customer Intimacy Training" was being held there that day.

The conference table in there never struck me as all that comfortable, but hey, flesh will find a way.
komos From: komos Date: May 16th, 2007 11:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Gah! I really don't want to be intimate with my customers.
superbgirl From: superbgirl Date: May 15th, 2007 01:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
komos From: komos Date: May 16th, 2007 11:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ain't no thang.
bushidokelt From: bushidokelt Date: May 15th, 2007 10:10 pm (UTC) (Link)

do they teach the proper etiquette of trench fighting?
komos From: komos Date: May 16th, 2007 11:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think they tell you that welding spikes on your brass knuckles is unsporting in the "Dangers of trenching" segment.
schizohedron From: schizohedron Date: May 18th, 2007 12:08 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm gonna hold out for Trencherman Training. I'd have a mortal lock on that class.
komos From: komos Date: May 18th, 2007 04:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Do you think that would involve roleplay, or would they just put you into a real-life situation and tell you to get to it?
schizohedron From: schizohedron Date: May 19th, 2007 02:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm hoping they would trick up the conference room to resemble one of the better Vegas buffets. I have them down to a science. The dance will commence.
9 comments or Leave a comment