I think I wouldn't be so edgy if it weren't for the fact that I'm house-sitting. Scratch that... if it weren't for the fact that I'm house-sitting at a place to which I can't seem to find connection. I didn't think I would be so disjointed. I want to be in Medford tackling the ongoing cleaning, cooking simple meals for myself, and riding into work every morning. The place is a mess and getting to be moreso since I'm not there to brace against the flood, but it is my place. In spite of everything, I feel my presence there as soon as I walk through the door.

Here in Malden I fall into the same patterns I exhibit when I go to my folks place in Maine*. I can't concentrate. I'm perpetually bored. I can't get comfortable enough to sleep. Worst of all, I eat way too much. The past few days have seen me paranoid, moody, distracted, and occasionally panicky. Panic is the best.

I feel like I'm cut off from everyone, almost as though my failure to connect with this place has somehow severed my connection from the rest of reality. Tonight, I'm just a ghost.

I really need some sleep.


*For those who don't know the story, my folks moved to a different house during my first semester at BC and didn't tell me. I showed up at the last house we had lived in only to find strangers at the door. My folks thought it was hysterical. It's never set well with me.

Current Mood: self-indulgent