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No sense of li - A little less than a happy high — LiveJournal
komos
komos
No sense of li
I think I wouldn't be so edgy if it weren't for the fact that I'm house-sitting. Scratch that... if it weren't for the fact that I'm house-sitting at a place to which I can't seem to find connection. I didn't think I would be so disjointed. I want to be in Medford tackling the ongoing cleaning, cooking simple meals for myself, and riding into work every morning. The place is a mess and getting to be moreso since I'm not there to brace against the flood, but it is my place. In spite of everything, I feel my presence there as soon as I walk through the door.

Here in Malden I fall into the same patterns I exhibit when I go to my folks place in Maine*. I can't concentrate. I'm perpetually bored. I can't get comfortable enough to sleep. Worst of all, I eat way too much. The past few days have seen me paranoid, moody, distracted, and occasionally panicky. Panic is the best.

I feel like I'm cut off from everyone, almost as though my failure to connect with this place has somehow severed my connection from the rest of reality. Tonight, I'm just a ghost.

I really need some sleep.


*For those who don't know the story, my folks moved to a different house during my first semester at BC and didn't tell me. I showed up at the last house we had lived in only to find strangers at the door. My folks thought it was hysterical. It's never set well with me.

Current Mood: self-indulgent

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Comments
alex_victory From: alex_victory Date: July 15th, 2002 08:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
Dude, you're in Malden? I'm in Malden! Rock on, Malden! Give us a call and we will come over and entertain you. 8)

Oddly enough my grandparents did the same thing to my dad... only they moved from Long Island to LOS ANGELES. He hitchhiked across the country to get home.
komos From: komos Date: July 15th, 2002 08:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yep. I'm here. I may very well take you up on that offer at some point while I'm here.

My folks compounded that mistake by not inviting me to their wedding during my senior year, but that's a story for another time.
alex_victory From: alex_victory Date: July 15th, 2002 08:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
Holy crap! That's like 30 seconds from my friend Carla's place, who I hung out with tonight.
wisdom_seeker From: wisdom_seeker Date: July 16th, 2002 02:16 pm (UTC) (Link)

*Hugs*

I'm sorry you're feeling so disconnected. Are you spending all your time in Malden, or are you going home at all? Maybe if you brought over some of your CDs to listen to you wouldn't feel quite so untethered?
Love you...
komos From: komos Date: July 16th, 2002 03:48 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: *Hugs*

It's just easier to hang out here than to have to fight my way up and down Rte 60 4-6 times a day.

I'm on the music thing, but even that feels off... it's like the house won't properly accomodate it.
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