Kid just loves him some cows (komos) wrote,
Kid just loves him some cows

That word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

There’s a new Dunkin Donuts radio spot where a couple on a beach find a treasure chest and, being conscientious soulsnaïve gits, begin to ask whether anyone misplaced a chest filled with priceless gold coins. At this point, a voiceover says, "For the rest of us, there’s Dunkin Donuts."

I heard it and reacted with, "What’s that supposed to mean??" V explained that they were saying that if you weren’t lucky enough to have stumbled onto a cache of doubloons, you could always get cheap coffee at Dunks. I utterly missed that, and if this really was the intent of the spot, I’m probably too stupid to drink their coffee.

Of course, that’s the underlying message that comes out of it anyway. Perhaps I’m too cynical or just too prickly about manipulation in its various forms, but the whole ad reads like a particularly insulting take on "A fool and his money..." Yes, I spend more on my beans and the occasional cup that I buy, but that has more to do with the fact that I don’t want my coffee to taste stale if I make it at home or watered down and/or burnt if I have it out. It’s a question of quality, and when talking about the fuel that makes the first part of the day bearable, I promise, "You get what you pay for."


Perhaps related, I’m more than a little disturbed by the "small town values" catchphrase that’s gotten bandied about of late. Although people have been tight-lipped about what it means, exactly, you can be certain that no one’s talking about being honest, laid-back, and folksy. Instead, it appears to be shorthand for "Them queers make me uncomfortable," "Ain’t no daughter of mine having sex," and "Science is just the Devil testing my faith." (Various elements of these are easily mixed and matched. Try it, it's fun!) The unfortunate thing about using "small town values" to convey your agenda is that it implies provincialism, and in my mind, provincialism is not exactly an ideal guide for the hand of a major world leader.

Of course, I’ve already outed myself as a "latte-drinking East Coast elitist" who’s too stupid to buy coffee at Dunks, and cynical to boot.

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