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A little less than a happy high
My world just keeps getting stranger. I came into the office this morning to find an email entitled "Bioterrorism." The post was a summons from my überboss to attend a lecture on the state of preparedness of MA hospitals and emergency services for a bioterrorist attack. Though I’ll confess that I am interested, the topic has very little to do with my actual role. My inner cynic has me thinking that there is a desire for a redundant knowledge base in the event that theory becomes reality.

Yeah, it’s a little unnerving.

So, Peter, you know you have to answer the obvious question: where've you been?

Honestly, I don't really remember. Ok, that's not entirely true. I remember being really angry at the dishonesty of management at my office. Rather than do proper layoffs, instead the staff has been placed on "double secret probation" in an effort to ferret out waste and inefficiency (i.e. to find people to fire.)

In the face of the crackdown, I've been unable to write at work, and I've been coming home so brain dead that I can't bear the thought of sitting down in front of the computer. At first, I really wanted to write. I had things to say that probably weren't important in the grand scheme of things, but were relevant to me, at least when I first thought of them. Then, everything started going grey.

See, deprived of the outlet I've allowed myself for the better part of the past year, I fell into a another depression. To make matters worse, I started feeling increasingly isolated and out of touch. I've really started to love all of you here, and not being able to correspond with you regularly started to take its toll.

There was something else, too, but you'll have to wait for "Hero Boy, what have you learned, part 3" to hear about that.

I was overwhelmed, and I needed to adjust to the change.

I made time to write a little tonight, and will do so more regularly. I have answers to your posts and questions from weeks ago. Some I'll get to soon. Others may no longer be relevant, but I have been thinking of you all and reading you whenever I could.

Suffice to say, I've missed you. Another testament to the weirdness that is lj.

Current Mood: grateful grateful
Current Music: Sneaker Pimps, "Post-Modern Sleaze"

14 comments or Leave a comment
shelbyg From: shelbyg Date: November 12th, 2002 08:39 pm (UTC) (Link)

Welcome Back!

It is good to have you back. : )

I hope that you can find time/strength to stop in a little more frequently. Lord knows that it is hard, I was absent for months it seems, but posting and more importantly: reading is really nice. Isolation is no fun.

Speaking of which, I need to start playing cards again. I miss the boys. Are Thursdays still happening? It seems that there is a lively scene still raging on Papertiger. : )

komos From: komos Date: November 12th, 2002 08:54 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Welcome Back!

Thanks, and thanks. You've been away for far too long, too.

Thursdays are still happening, but the venue has returned to YMG because there were grumblings that my weekly gatherings were exclusive. Considering that they were announced openly and rides were offered, I can't figure out why, but there you have it.

I do miss the gatherings, though.
shelbyg From: shelbyg Date: November 12th, 2002 09:00 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Welcome Back!

Yeah, I liked the homey atmosphere at your place.

I can also see how it may feel intimidating to go to your place if you don't know anyone who is going well. Y'never know, we may have been an evil cult that drank the blood of newbies. : )

komos From: komos Date: November 12th, 2002 09:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Welcome Back!

Shhh! They're not supposed to know! No... nothing could be further from the truth.
guitarcries From: guitarcries Date: November 13th, 2002 03:03 am (UTC) (Link)
Glad you're going to be around more often and are feeling better... we missed you too!
komos From: komos Date: November 13th, 2002 02:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's going to take some effort, but I've decided that blurting out random thoughts is good for me. I'll make the time.

You are going to drop a line when you get back to the states, right?
guitarcries From: guitarcries Date: November 14th, 2002 03:48 am (UTC) (Link)
Of course! :)
(Deleted comment)
komos From: komos Date: November 13th, 2002 02:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
The client doesn't leave any less of a footprint because IIRC, it logs on as soon as it's open. Regardless, our MIS is doing spot checks of out desktops, anyway, so it would be risky at best.

I'll be back at your place on Friday... any inadvertent requests for this week? ;)
(Deleted comment)
komos From: komos Date: November 13th, 2002 09:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, there's catering and then there's catering... If we really want to be extreme, we can get them to set up a oil-drum grill on the sidewalk outside your place.

Regardless, it is doable if you desire your will to be made reality. A collection beforehand would probably be in order, but then everyone could have their fill of the gnawing meat off the bone experience.
khourytamarisk From: khourytamarisk Date: November 13th, 2002 07:21 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs* Miss you. :)
komos From: komos Date: November 13th, 2002 02:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Back atcha... where'd you guys end up living, anyway?
khourytamarisk From: khourytamarisk Date: November 14th, 2002 05:07 am (UTC) (Link)
We're living in Haverhill with my parents. Not paying rent is good. Having to deal with them everyday is not so good. Eh...it's better than not having a place to live, though. Can't really complain too much. They were nice enough to let us live there.
riverbank From: riverbank Date: November 14th, 2002 08:59 am (UTC) (Link)

sounds like your workplace is a bit intimidating right now. i recently reched myself out of one of those situations and feel a whole lot better. (not suggesting you do the same, i had little to lose) these things do have a tremendous influence on our lives...
anyway, glad to see you around. looking forward to posts whenever they come.
komos From: komos Date: November 14th, 2002 07:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
You don't know the half of it. I have actually come very close in the past couple of weeks to tendering my resignation, but I court disaster even by thinking along those lines. (And we're talking 'wearing a red suit and beard in July and saying "C'mon... give Santa a kiss!" to young women on the street' kind of disaster.)

I should take Paul's advice and just start looking, but that requires stepping out of the big D long enough to make that happen, which is made more difficult because I find my present job so depressing. Damnable viscious circles.
14 comments or Leave a comment