Kid just loves him some cows (komos) wrote,
Kid just loves him some cows

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The Beast Within

I don’t like going to the movies alone. Sometimes I think this is a little weird since movies are our least social social activities. Going to see a movie is something to do that doesn’t require conversation, and company is there as dressing or to give options for the before or after. With the exception perhaps of bad movies which need a running commentary to be entertaining, once a film has started, you are left essentially alone in your thoughts.

So why the fuss? There is something about my going to the theater and sitting alone in a darkened room that suggests something perhaps illicit and shameful. It heightens my sense of alone-ness, and I seem simply by virtue of being there to be saying, "I really wanted to be around people, but this was the absolute best I could manage."*

I’ve seen a lot of films this way.

Last night’s was Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. It was late. I was bored, depressed and restless, and I couldn’t think of anyone I could drag out for a 10PM show on a school night. And yes, I was thinking, "I really wanted to be around people, but this was the absolute best I could manage."

I left the theater and it had begun to snow.

*Fully in keeping with my insecurities, I tend to reserve this kind of judgement for myself. If I were to see someone else alone at the movies or at a restaurant, I’m far more likely to think them utterly cool. I would admire their self-assuredness and their ability to seek after the things that they enjoy, regardless of availability of friends. It’s easier to project such noble qualities onto someone else. In my head, I know that I’m lonely and afraid, but I can assume all sorts of groovy thought processes going on in theirs.

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