So why the fuss? There is something about my going to the theater and sitting alone in a darkened room that suggests something perhaps illicit and shameful. It heightens my sense of alone-ness, and I seem simply by virtue of being there to be saying, "I really wanted to be around people, but this was the absolute best I could manage."*
I’ve seen a lot of films this way.
Last night’s was Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. It was late. I was bored, depressed and restless, and I couldn’t think of anyone I could drag out for a 10PM show on a school night. And yes, I was thinking, "I really wanted to be around people, but this was the absolute best I could manage."
I left the theater and it had begun to snow.
*Fully in keeping with my insecurities, I tend to reserve this kind of judgement for myself. If I were to see someone else alone at the movies or at a restaurant, I’m far more likely to think them utterly cool. I would admire their self-assuredness and their ability to seek after the things that they enjoy, regardless of availability of friends. It’s easier to project such noble qualities onto someone else. In my head, I know that I’m lonely and afraid, but I can assume all sorts of groovy thought processes going on in theirs.