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A little less than a happy high
Like butter spread over too much bread...
Well, I have officially given up on whether my glass is half empty or half full. The fact of the matter is that regardless of my perception of lack or abundance, someone managed to slip me a dribble glass while I wasn't looking. Whenever I take a drink, whatever is in the glass just pours out over my shirt.

I walked home tonight having an imaginary conversation with my boss concerning my dismissal. Yes, it is still imaginary, but fear has me well in its clutches at this point, and I feel like I may as well rehearse my "I can't begin to tell you how disatisfied I have been" speech. This, of course, put me in a famous mood.

Arriving home, I got the mail. I bounced a check. Not only did I bounce a check, but it appears that I attempted to draw it from an account that had a -$353 balance. I find this more than a little disturbing since I thought my balance was about $753 in the opposite direction and I can't figure out how an account without overdraft protection could possibly have been sucked into negative numbers. Citizens charged me $52 for their trouble.

But wait, it gets better...

Thinking I would sit down and figure out why my account was so out of whack, I turned on my PC so I could access my Quicken records. The disk started spinning and then stopped, my screen frozen on the Compaq startup screen. Off. On. Still nothing. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On... It's dead. It won't even move to the point where it starts up off of the emergency boot disk. I'm writing to you courtesy of the 90mHz Pentium dinosaur that I still have kicking around because I've been too much of a depressive lump to get rid of it.

And I was just having a conversation today about how it's difficult to find the motivation to do anything because I'm not convinced that my life will be measurably better for the effort and energy. Tonight, during the cascade, I couldn't even manage the energy to be upset.

So anyway, I need tech support for my ailing PC, advice as to how to approach the issue of the lost $800, and maybe a little bit of encouragement.

Actually, a lot of encouragement... I can't do this anymore.

Current Mood: drained drained

10 comments or Leave a comment
tigermilkdrunk From: tigermilkdrunk Date: December 23rd, 2002 08:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oy. Encouragement being sent in large doses.
alex_victory From: alex_victory Date: December 23rd, 2002 08:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Dude, you're money and you don't even know it. I've painted myself into lots of corners and that's always when the fun fights start. Or maybe not. But either way this isn't the time you give up, this is the time to wreak a terrible vengeance upon your foes.

As for practical issues... the PC does sound, unfortunately, deadski. I have a spare box that may be bootable, we could try throwing your HD into it or even into my main PC just so you can offload your Quicken files. Citizens should be able to tell you your last n transactions, either through some sort of web login or over the phone. And if they've made a mistake, you spit blood and breathe fire at them until they fix it.
clayrobeson From: clayrobeson Date: December 23rd, 2002 08:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Landslide of good karma coming your way, darlin.
clay_cats From: clay_cats Date: December 23rd, 2002 11:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Whats the worst thing that can happen? What are they going to put you in jail? Money comes and goes, choose not to worry. A Priest I know says this: "When you look back, you will recognize that you always had everything you needed, you were always okay." :)
From: uruz Date: December 24th, 2002 05:42 am (UTC) (Link)
If you hit Esc at the Compaq bootup screen, it will dump you to the POST screen, that flashes all the pre-bootup garbage that the BIOS goes through.

It'll tell you where it's getting hung up.
From: uruz Date: December 24th, 2002 05:45 am (UTC) (Link)
And by bootup screen I mean the emblazoned red COMPAQ that you're referring to in your post.
shutupbetsy From: shutupbetsy Date: December 24th, 2002 07:48 am (UTC) (Link)
I overdrew my checking account $300 dollars last summer, and had an additional $300 worth of fees. It SUCKS. They really suck you dry on those fees, I finally got overdraft protection. I am engaging in an all-out war with my finances, trying to keep track, but also trying not get so emotional about money. After all, money isn't emotional about me. I read this book, Our Money, Ourselves, which sound cheesey, well, it is a little bit. It's geared towards women, but it has some really good stuff about figuring out how your family influenced how you deal with money. I learned that I overspend as a form of passive resistence. Yikes. It might be worth checking out, they have it at the Somerville Library, West Branch in Davis.
I hope you puter gets better, that sucks :(
Have as Merry of a Chirstmas as possible. If you can't convince yourself to do anything productive, just try to do things you enjoy. After all, it's the hardest time of year for everyone, including chronic meloncholics like us ;)

guitarcries From: guitarcries Date: December 25th, 2002 01:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Sorry to hear that things are looking down for you... but just put it in perspective: your problems revolve around money and things; you still have a girlfriend who's in love with you and a circle of good friends. You'll be fine.
From: ex_hesperia313 Date: December 26th, 2002 09:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
"I'm not convinced that my life will be measurably better for the effort and energy. Tonight, during the cascade, I couldn't even manage the energy to be upset."

You can do this. If I can do this, you can. I am here if you need anything at all. I so know this, what you wrote up there. I don't pretend to have answers, but I understand what you are saying. And you can do this.
hieeee From: hieeee Date: December 30th, 2002 10:22 am (UTC) (Link)
My thoughts are with you, Peter. I am so sorry I haven't been around since you've been having such troubles. My surgery has kept me off of my puter for some time now but as I sit here in quite a bit of pain - I think back to all of the huggs you have sent me over the past while and know that there is no way in hell you can't make it through this. You have been a rock for me - whether you know it or not! Your strength and ability to think clearly - if nothing else - will get you through this, Peter. Know it. Don't think about it. Know it. I am loving you a great deal - and so are a lot of other people out there. Remember that you aren't alone and if you ever want to talk - we're all here. Just say the word. I have a wonderful ear, not to mention great shoulders.

Huggggggggles and warmness
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