Kid just loves him some cows (komos) wrote,
Kid just loves him some cows

Another look at naming

When I first decided to start a journal here, the first username I attempted was ekstasis, the Greek root for, well, ecstasy. The choice was an interesting one considering that when I began writing here, I was in the midst of one of the deepest bouts of depression I had ever had. It could rightly be said that I was in the midst of an ecstasy of grief, but I recall that was not the sense of the word I had been looking for.

The root itself means a being put out of its place, distraction, trance. These were far closer to what I intended. Initially it was a distraction from the life I had managed to create. It had been years since I had allowed myself to write, and it was something I wanted to give back to myself in the face of everything that was going on. At the heart of it, it was an act of defiance fueled by what were then the tattered remnants of my hope and joy. Storm-torn sails that still could catch the wind. When I began to move forward again, I truly did become a being out of its place, or at least out of the place I was told had been defined for me.

The trance comes much later.

I was inadvertently reminded of all of this yesterday. Ultimately, the idea was, perhaps, premonitory. I took a moment to listen and heard an echo of an echo reminding me of the things to come. Joy. Perhaps not a constant state of being (yet), but I do have beautiful, complete moments now. I consider even that a huge change from the place I was in a year and a half ago.

Incidentally, ekstasis was already taken, and at the time it didn't occur to me to use ekstatikos. It may simply have been too hopeful. ^_^

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