Seriously though, I have had a sense of a path, though I’m fairly well sure I lost sight of it at some point. What’s difficult is that I think I lost sight of it sometime during my “freaky pagan in the woods” period, precisely when I thought I was attempting to follow it. That whole exercise was not of self-discovery, but of putting form before substance. The most important realization there was that being weird for weirdness’ sake is not a path to enlightenment, regardless of what the Discordians may suggest.
I think that I came closest when I studying things like early Christian mysticism or Hindu scripture with the Jesuits at BC, or on those rare occasions that I got glimpses of an understanding of the spiritual aspects of martial practice. So I guess that would be intellectual pursuits and a focused devotion to an intensive mind/body discipline. Sounds a little monkish, no?
So I’ve said things like “I’d like to make my home a cross between a Napoleonic officers’ billet and a Shaolin monastery,” or, “You know, two weeks in a monastery would make a really interesting vacation.” People look at me like I have two heads. Still , these things make sense to me and I have a sense that that level of “mindfulness” is important somehow.
More on this later... I must get out of the office.